Ditto
by Jena Rink
Summary: Ditto, my little hairy butt. A little jetlagish shindiggy that I cooked up a few weeks ago and was too lazy to post at the time. Tony/Ziva, angsty, smutty, hurt/comfort goodness. Cover your eyes! Adult situations lie ahead.


Ditto

Jena Rink

This is a jetlag themed little diddy that am finally getting around to posting. Its rated m. It's the first semi-OOC thing I've posted. Although since it doesn't hint to what happened after they woke up, I suppose its not too out of character. But kiddies, this is rated M. You have been warned. It's a one shot. Let me know what you think.

-Jena

I was too exhausted not to sleep, and I'd only taken it so he couldn't see me over the back of it, staring at the ceiling, trying my hardest not to close my eyes. But I had. And when I'd woken up, I was holding my knife, covered in sweat, arms wrapped around the back of my waist, holding me still, his hand covering the knife as strangled sobs fought to escape my throat. I struggled against him, my mind someplace else.

"No! Don't hurt him!" slowly, I realized something was different. It wasn't dusty. It was cold, very cold. I shivered unconsciously, and something held me steady, one hand on my lower stomach, one curled around the hand that held the knife, trying fiercely to point it away from my chest. And the smell. Sandalwood, mint…Tony. Tony was holding me still, holding me upright, his hand rubbing circles on my lower stomach.

"Ziva. Let go of the knife," his voice was soft, but it wasn't hard to hear the wavering quality of it. He was holding me steady, but he was shaking himself,"You're safe,"he breathed in my ear, his lips tickling the shell of it.

"Tony?" I managed shakily, my arms dropping slightly as he pried the knife from my limp fingers, setting it on the edge of the couch.

"Ziva you're soaked," I glanced up at our reflection in the mirror over end table in the room, staring at our reflection.

"I am fine," I managed softly, and he snorted.

"You could have seriously hurt yourself,"he said, fighting to keep his voice low,"You were screaming in your sleep. Crying…"he trailed off, and I noticed for the first time how pale his face was. He was genuinely worried. Far away from the questioning glares and the problems that had caused us to have a lack of genuine feelings in our relationship.

And it scared me. So I ran. I pulled away from him and ran towards the bathroom, locking the door behind me and leaning against it, my breath coming out in short pants as I turned, leaning against the counter and staring at my reflection. My eyes were hooded, tears staining my face. I was trembling, my entire body fought to stay still. Why in the world had I not made reservations in advance.

I was freezing. I turned on the shower, and abandoned my clothes jerkily, stepping underneath the warm spray and sinking to a sitting position, wrapping arms around my knees and leaning my chin on top of them, staring ahead into nothingness. I didn't realize I'd started crying again, my body shaking slightly. Nor did I hear the soft click of the door as it unlocked, and the sock clad footsteps getting closer to the shower.

I had to let it out. He could not hear me if the water was on. I sobbed into my hands, leaning back against the cold rim of the tub, the cool porcelain reminding me how real this situation was. The curtain moved slightly, and my head shot up, staring at Tony, who was staring at me in astonishment.

"Ziva…"he breathed, not even sparing my naked body a glance as his eyes focused on my face. I sniffled slightly, a fresh wave of tears coming to the surface. I felt myself being lifted up, and kicked my legs out slightly, trying to get away from him. He was still fully clothed, holding me against him as I struggled.

"let me go," I seethed, my tears evident through my words. I was scratching at his arms, trying to pull away, but he grabbed my hands and held them steady, his voice low and harsh in my ear.

"I cannot, let you go," he said fiercely, holding me still as my struggling subsided and my sobbing continued. I turned against him, burying my face against his chest wrapping my arms around it, my legs splayed out sideways across the tops of his as the water continued to fall on us.

His arms were resting delicately around my waist, holding me firmly against him. He started rubbing circles on my stomach gently, and I felt myself relaxing against him, fighting back exhaustion even as the situation changed. My sobs stopped and became dry, and my body finally fell limp against him, letting him continue to calm me as his left hand came up to play with the mass of wet hair that was stuck to my forehead, matted there by water. He smoothed it back gently, and I let out an inaudible sigh.

The water started to cool off, and I dimly felt him lift me up and into his arms, my body cradled against his chest as he turned off the water, stepping from the tub and soaking the rug by the side of it as I shivered against his chest.

He grabbed a towel off of the back of the door, unfolding it sloppily and wrapping it around me the best he could, even as his wet pajamas soaked the part close to me. He walked across the carpet in the room, sloshing softly, and set me down on the bed, our eyes locking for a brief moment.

"I'll be right back,"he said quietly, leaving me sitting alone on the bed, staring at his water covered form as it retreated into the bathroom. About a minute later, he came back out, his lower half wrapped in a towel as he dried himself off with another. He sank onto the bed next to me, our legs touching slightly.

It was early. I glanced at the bedside clock and realized it wasn't even midnight yet. I'd only slept for three hours, and my stomach grumbled slightly in the silence of the room. Tony glanced over at me, and walked towards the mini bar, opening it and grabbing what was available, two bananas, an apple, a bag of chips, and two small bottles of wine, walking back over to me and setting it on the bed between us.

"It's not exactly gourmet," he remarked, and I let a soft smile filter across my face.

"It is fine,"I whispered, surprised at the slight croakiness in my voice. He unscrewed the wine, and handed it to me, our hands brushing slightly. I took a small sip of it, and set it down on the bedside table, turning to face him awkwardly, my hair still dripping down onto my collarbone.

We ate in silence, finishing off the fruit and chips, and both downing our bottles of wine as if it would help matters. The phrase In Vino Veritas came to mind as I noticed the way he was staring at me. I glanced down, color brightening my cheeks, and caught site of his arms, which I had failed to notice before.

"I hurt you," I noticed, my fingers coming up to trace the welts on his arm. His hand covered mine, stopping my hand. His hand was warm against mine. And I was suddenly reminded that Tony was changing. He would have ran before. It may have been too much for him, seeing me like that. But he wasn't shying away from me at all, now. He was protecting me. He had my back. I trusted him. He'd stopped the nightmare. Persisted, even though I didn't want him to. Made me shower, warmed me up, given me food, and was now staring at me with no expectantness present in his features. He was being patient with me, something I never thought he would be capable of.

"Want to try and get some sleep?" he ventured finally, picking up the remains of our makeshift snack and throwing them in the trash,"I can take the couch, if you want me-"I stood up, surprising him, and grabbed his hand, lacing our fingers together.

"Stay,"I breathed simply, my eyes coming up to rest on his, the emotion in his eyes startling. They were a darker green now than I'd ever seen them. He reached up, brushing a curl off my face, and I leant against his hand unconsciously.

"Do you have another shirt?" I asked him, referring to his sopping wet clothes, and mine, which were still damp. He nodded, breaking away from me to rustle through his belongings and find a spare undershirt, tossing it to me as he rummaged around and changed while my back was turned.

I slipped the large and soft faded orange Ohio State shirt over my head as Tony walked towards the door, opening it and turning the sign to 'Do Not Disturb'. He closed the long drapes flanking the room, casting it into darkness, the only light from the bathroom, casting a soft glow across the bed.

I slid underneath the warm duvet, settling onto my side, facing the window and staring at Tony, who was walking towards the other side of the bed. He reached over and turned off the bathroom light, before sliding into bed behind me. I felt his eyes on me, and rolled over, staring at him. I could only see his shadow in the darkness, and felt him lay back, his arm coming to rest above his head as he stared at the ceiling, his other resting across his stomach, which I realized was bare.

"It was never completely dark there,"I breathed, realizing the inky blackness of the room was oddly comforting. There was always the steady dull glow of the light on the ceiling in Somalia. The light from the moon, the stars, the bright lights shined in my face as they asked me questions, dunking me under scalding water repeatedly, kicking me in the ribs, injecting me with drugs that I had no idea as to the origin of, burning my skin, cutting my flesh, cutting off my clothes, using me…I realized I'd started shaking, and stiffened when Tony's arm shot out, pulling me against him quickly before I could protest. But then I melted against him again, as I had before, my head on his chest and my legs ramrod straight against his outer thigh as I trembled, trying to regain control of my emotions. I was so conflicted.

"There's no one here but me. You're safe. You don't have to face it right now,"he breathed against my hair, and I glanced up at him, our eyes locking in the darkness.

"Can you promise me something?"I managed, my voice smaller than I ever remembered it being.

"Anything,"he responded honestly.

"Don't let me go?"I breathed against his neck, my lips touching the hollow of his neck hesitantly, pressing a small kiss to his pulse point. He froze momentarily.

"Ziva,"he warned softly, and I lifted my head, feeling the intensity from one of his trademark stares.

"I cannot forget," the words were tumbling from my lips as if I could not stop them, as if he was the key to unlocking all of my secrets. As if I was the one on truth serum,"I cannot forget what it was like to have no control, and not to care. There was no…convienience for me there. Only for him. For them,"his hand straying from my hair to stroke the back of my neck,"And it is all I can think about. I did not intend to survive. I did not intend to care. But I did survive ,and I am trying not to let it affect me, but nothing works,"I mumbled against him, my voice raising in pitch,"It is hard to believe that any of this matters any longer."

"You matter, Ziva. This matters,"his hand rested against the top of my chest.

"You understand, what it is like to realize you were merely a pawn? Nothing of importance despite the connections there?"I whispered, my hand reaching up to cover his,"It was the moment I gave up. I had abandoned the only people that did care. And the only way to get back to you was to give him the answers he wanted. And I would not put any of you in danger. So I gave up. Better I was able to make a decision. Not for my father, not for my responsibilities, but for myself. And it was the first one I was ever able to make. And it was supposed to be my last,"I was frustrated, my forehead throbbing dully with pain, numbing the fact that I was revealing more than I ever thought I would.

"We are safe," he reminded me gently, his lips brushing against the crown of my head as he spoke.

"He is not done. I am so…" how could I say I was scared? Mossad officers did not show fear. They did not let their emotions effect them so obviously.

"You're not that woman anymore,"he said, instantly knowing as least some part of what I was thinking.

"I was not a woman! I was a monster! I killed people…for nothing! I blindly followed orders, I did not realize when I had found anything close to a family. I lied to all of you! I deser-"

He sat up quickly, grabbing my shoulders again, his voice firm. There was something else behind him words, but I failed to see it at the time.

"You, did not deserve any of it!" his voice was harsh, and I swallowed thickly, staring at the shadows playing across his face as my eyes adjusted to the darkness,"It's okay to be scared. You don't have to be so stone like all the time. Not everything can bounce off of you, Ziva," his hands were shaking slightly as they gripped my shoulders.

"I just want to forget,"I whispered, closing my eyes tightly.

"It doesn't go away, but you learn to deal with it,"Tony whispered, his hands running down my arms to grab my own hands, squeezing them gently as I sat sideways against him.

"When did you become so wise?"I murmered, the tension of the moment only mounting as I realized how close we were. In a bed, in a foreign country, partially dressed, the small bits of alcohol still effecting my system, slowing down the moment as I studied him.

"Can you promise me something?" he asked, repeating my words, and I nodded.

"Anything," I said quietly.

"Let's just try and forget. We have time before we have to get Norah. Let's just forget it all. Just for the next few hours,"he said, and I glanced down for a moment.

"Help me?" I managed quietly, the words struggling to burst forth from my lips. Once they had, I moved gently, placing my legs on either side of his, leaning down to stare at his face. He was perplexed.

"Ziva-"he started, and I put a finger to his lips, my voice almost desperate.

"Please," I begged him softly, his eyes softening at the look of desperation on my face," I need to feel something else," a lone tear tear making its way down my cheek. When his lips touched my salt stained cheek, I held my breath, closing my eyes as his lips traveled over them, brushing the bridge and tip of my nose, my forehead, my eyelids, and finally the corner of my lips.

He was careful, gaging my reaction through hooded eyes as I opened mine to stare at him, my breath speeding up as I relaxed against his thighs, leaning into him, our noses brushing.

I touched his lips with mine so softly at first that I wasn't sure it could be considered a kiss as all. And then he took the initiative, his lips coming to suck on my lower lip, pulling on it slightly as a moan rose up from my throat. He tasted like chardonnay, salt, and sugar, the taste slightly addicting as we found a rhythm, pecking eachother's lips softly at first, but gaining intensity as time went on, his hands coming up to rest on my waist as mine tangled in his hair, pulling him closer as we continued to feast on eachother, the outside world fading from my thoughts completely as I surrendered to what it really felt like to kiss Tony. Not just because we were working. But because of something else. I was the first to deepen it, opening my mouth wider and parting his lips gently with my tongue, tasting him completely, melting into him as his hands skimmed the bare waist peeking out from underneath the shirt he'd leant me.

A strong stab of desire pulsed in my lower stomach as I pulled back to stare at him, panting softly as I tried to regain my bearings. My legs felt like jello, and I squeaked softly when he lifted me off him, laying me against the pillows and moving to hover above me, his eyes tracing the curves of my face in the darkness. My hands came up to pull on his lower back, pushing him down towards me, and we kissed again, the weight on top of me comforting as opposed to what my memories were showing me. I could trust him. He was being gentle, his weight pressing me down into the mattress, his arms coming up to pull my legs around his waist, our bodies finally pressed together completely. I was already wet, leaving a damp spot on his upper thigh as our legs tangled together.

"God, Ziva," he breathed, as I arched up, feeling the weight and length of him against my thigh, grinding my pelvis into his lower hip, as I was smaller than him.

His lips attached to my neck gently, suckling on the skin as his hips started to rock back and forth, and I threw my head back against the pillows, closing my eyes as his hand came up to palm the weight of my breast in his hand, testing it before thumbing my nipple, my hips jerking against him harder than usual as I fought to regain control.

He noticed, and pulled away, a frustrated sigh escaping his lips.

"Show me what to do," he said finally, and I felt a wave of gratitude at his actions. Had this happened a few years ago, he'd be pounding her into the mattress. But now, he was someone different entirely. He pulled my hands to rest over his, and squeezed them again, giving me a sense of control.

I pulled his hand to the bottom of my shirt, and pushed upwards slightly, raising my arms as he got the hint, pulling the shirt over my head and tossing it to the side, his eyes glued to my chest.

"Ziva," he breathed, his voice low and husky, and I had to fight back my own moan at the sound of his voice, lowered by octaves, gravely and soft at the same time.

"Touch me," I whispered, my eyes pleading, lifting his hands to my breasts as he leant back down over me, pecking me on the lips softly before moving downwards, his hands massaging my breasts and tweaking my nipples as he kissed and sucked across my collarbone. I whimpered, and pushed his head towards one of my breasts, sighing softly when he finally encased one in his mouth, sucking gently. I pushed him further against it, a gasp escaping me as my hips jerked again, moisture coating my inner thighs as I ground against him. He switched sides slowly, his hands skimming my sides and squeezing my hips softly as he continued his assault.

I was lost in pleasure as he continued to suckle on my breasts, halting only when my hands pushed on his boxers, wanting them off. I needed to feel him. He lifted his hips, and I pushed them off with my feet, my body coming into contact with his fully as he nibbled slightly on my collarbone, waiting for me to tell him what to do next.

My hands pushed his head down again, and he got the message, kissing down my stomach and swirling his tongue in my belly button, nipping the edge of my hip bone and kissing softly towards the place where I wanted to have him kiss me the most.

His tongue touched my inner thigh, tasting the wetness there, and I jerked reflexively, letting out a long moan. He glanced up at me for a moment, our eyes locking as I slid my legs over his shoulders, scooting down towards him.

"So beautiful,"he mumbled against my hip, his fingers parting my folds, spreading the wetness around before he leant down, his breath fanning my lower lips as I trembled, his tongue parting my lips to lick up me gently, my breath held, my body humming slightly as he continued to explore me, slowly, as if he had all the time in the world.

"Tony-"I moaned suddenly as the tip of his tongue nicked my clit slightly. He brought a finger down and started to pinch it slightly, my breaths coming out as pants as he leant down and inserted his tongue, pushing it in and out gently, his fingers stroking me until I tightened, exploding suddenly, bucking against him restlessly as he held my hips still, licking up everything I'd secreted. He pulled away minutes later, as I laid there trying to regain my breath. His lips made a trail up my body, kissing my breastbone, my chin, and then my lips, my taste all over his tongue.

"You okay?" he said, and I nodded dazedly, reaching up to pull him closer against me before flipping him over, straddling his waist and surprising him with my force, stiffening at the feeling of his erection pointing up towards his stomach, trapped between us.

"Lay back," I whispered in his ear, and he complied, letting me kiss my way across his chest, sucking on his nipples for short moments before pushing him into a sitting position, knealing in front of his thighs, my hair shielding him from my view.

I reached out my hand gently, stroking him slowly with tight strokes until he was bucking against her hand. And then she leant down further, her tongue tracking the tip of his erection. His hips jerked slightly, and he cursed, reaching up to pull her hair back so he could see her face.

"Ziva, you don't have-" I ignored him. He tasted so uniquely Tony that I was unable to stop my exploration, my hands coming down to cup his balls and squeeze them gently as I held his hips down with my spare hand, wrapping my lips around him and stroking him with my tongue, sucking gently.

"Oh God," he moaned, as I bobbed my head gently, coming up for air occasionally to trace the head of him with my lips before deep throating him again, causing Tony to groan and squirm, fighting to not thrust his hips and not push her further down over him.

"Ziva, I'm-"I pulled away with a pop, and leant up and kissed him, our tongues dueling as he flipped us over, my legs coming up to rest around his upper back, his erection poised at my entrance.

"Ziva,"he whispered, and I grabbed him in my hand, guiding him in, and stabbing my hips forward suddenly, both of our mouths opening silently at the feeling of finally being complete. I gasped against his shoulder, his legs spread out behind us so that he could start to move, my legs shaking from the feeling of his weight holding me open as he settled into me.

"You feel amazing," he breathed against my ear, and I fought the urge to shiver, pusling my hips forward again to encourage him to move, his lips coming down to claim mine as he began to thrust, our bodies coming together faster and faster until I was moaning his name loudly at a regular interval, his lips attached to my chest as his hands squeezed waist, holding me against him as he picked up the pace.

I started to jerk against him, feeling the familiar squeezes take over my body, and jerked against him, a small scream escaping me as he flipped us over, bending his legs and thrusting up against me harshly as I shattered around him, my head buried against his shoulder, panting against his shoulder.

"Ziva," he breathed, his body burying itself in me one last time before he released, collapsing against the sheets as I burrowed myself against him, his softening member still buried within me.

We'd relaxed for quite some time, and when I finally felt my eyes starting to slide shut, his hand squeezed mine gently.

"What are we going to do?" he asked me,"About rule number twelve?" he added, as I pulled him tighter against me.

"As long as you are holding me and it is still tonight, I would not like to think about that," I whispered, surprised when he pulled me up so we were face to face.

"You really think I'm ever letting you go again after what just happened?"Tony questioned strangely, his hand coming up to play with a stray curl of my hair, tugging on it gently.

"What is that word?" I whispered, and Tony frowned as my eyes lit up,"Oh yes, ditto," I told him, my cheeks flushed slightly.

"You're becoming more American every single day," he told me, dropping a kiss on my forehead,"Sweet dreams, sweetcheeks," he whispered against my hair, and I grinned.

"Ditto, my little hairy butt."

_So? Thoughts? Leave a review and let me knoooow._

_-Jena_


End file.
